Harmony

We’re having another girl. We were told this news by the delighted doctor during my second ultrasound checkup. Ideally, we prayed to have a boy for our second child but we are overjoyed, still, with our new family addition. After all, she is someone we dearly wished for. I can still remember how we tried for the half of 2015 for this to finally happen. And on the first month of 2016, our answered prayer came. 😀

harmony

We’re naming our girl Lia Harmony.” Lia because it’s short and my husband insists on adding another name; and Harmony because a baby can always mend family relationships. We witnessed with our firstborn how the arrival of a baby can make people treat each other better. When there’s a baby, people strive to build a nurturing home out of the child’s best interest. We believe that as long as a child is well-loved, everyone will want to create ways to be in harmony with one another.

I did not widely reveal my pregnancy immediately because I was afraid to keep my hopes up. Looking back, I had a difficult pregnancy with my eldest. I was on bed rest then for three months since I had spotting, abdominal cramps, and my uterus felt heavy like it would fall off. I felt only assured on the fifth month after the doctor said I’m generally safe from miscarriage. This is why with this new child (though I’m normal now compared to how I was on my previous pregnancy), I again waited for the last half to let others know. But just like the eager moms who post as soon as they discover, I am just as happy and thankful that I have another life in me. 🙂

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Sometime on my fourth month of pregnancy, I lost Colign at the mall that I cried and shouted myself to what I thought would be miscarriage. I wasn’t thinking straight but I was well aware that I was shouting. With every store that I passed by, people went out to look at the howling mess that I was. Back then, I understood what drove people to wail in public without any regard to what others will think. The thought of losing my daughter was enough to make me want to end myself. It perfectly made sense, which is crazy now that it’s just a bad memory to look at.

Harmony, you see, the way I process my feelings is intense because of the joint influx of our hormones. I cannot explain how so but think of our hormones as an exponent to my emotions – it exaggerates it to the point that it goes beyond itself over and over. This is bound to slowly stabilize after I give birth to you; but at the end of it all, there’s also a lot that won’t revert to how they used to be. Like stretchmarks, tailbone alignment, free time, budget considerations, point of view, and thrown advices.

My daughters, I’ve changed and I’m still continuously changing. So let me document and give you both, a piece of revelation:

Do not be like me; do not let yourself be weaker than your emotions and find alibi in that thing called hormones.

I should not be the one to talk but please listen.

*Postpartum Note: We ended up naming our daughter Emilia Harmony.

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