Dear college girl,

When I look at where I am right now, I also look at you who didn’t know what you wanted to be back then. All you knew was that you liked to write but you hadn’t really thought about doing it for living. After all, when writing was about 70% of all you did in college; you had crossed the road of loathing the routine. You thought it was exhausting to write – to conduct painstaking research and put your entire heart at the tip of a pen when it had recurrently robbed you of so much sleep.

When I look at where I am right now, you are still in the picture with a half-hearted smile. You’re still dressed in that neat white blouse and darker-than-navy-blue pleated skirt that I had last worn during the baccalaureate mass.

I heard your soft sigh brush against my ear when I recently re-read my 6-year-old time capsule. Turns out you wanted to be a novelist which came as a surprise because I have forgotten about it, which also comes as sad.

Dear college girl,
Sorry for underestimating you and for having forgotten our dream from way back. I did not become the writer you wanted to be but I became something else.

← →

To keep up with the financial hurdles, I swam in uncharted water of sales.
Then, I took a leap in marketing and have now ended up in events.

Ingress with these hardworking bunch for Easter

Barbie Bubbletastic Fun Fair

Assorted Barbie merchandise

Sometimes, you look at toys and get that feeling that they are asking to be saved.

Highlight of the fair: Barbie Bubbletastic Mermaid | P1,799.75

U.P. Town Center Store Opening

Coin & candy throwing for luck

Selfie-seeking star

Giddy duo checking out our Tech Zone selections

Snacks for guests

And refreshments, of course

Catchy directional signages deserve a mention

And the greatest revelation: Who could’ve told back then that I will get pregnant soon enough and be married?

← →

Oftentimes, we are faced with the question of who holds us back more than anyone else. And with all truth, we must admit it is ourselves. And yet, we are the ones who decide to push ourselves forward; we are the ones who take a chance on little opportunities because we are also the ones who always believed first.

At one time, success meant high grades and a high-paying paying job enough to buy you material things. But then, time gave us another view that spoke of discovering things, approved vacation leaves, long weekends, having a balanced personal-work life, rearing a child well, caring, and being cared for.

Dear college girl,
I know everything is far from what you have imagined six years ago. But then, I hope you are happy with what we have become. 🙂

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10 responses to “Dear college girl,

  1. Oh how timely… ~_~

    “Turns out you wanted to be a novelist which came as a surprise because I have seriously forgotten which also comes as sad.”

    I had that exact same dream. It’s funny because in my mind, I can still see that kid-version of me furiously typing on the typewriter. And when she finally finished covering one page of short coupon bond with words, her eyes glowed as if she had just discovered a golden mine, that secret that she knew she can become a writer. Ha!

    Here I am now, exhausted, and have reached that level where I can’t even finish a blog without falling asleep. The day after, I can’t even remember what I was writing about, so a number of half-finished document has actually been eating away my laptop’s memory… Don’t even get me start talking about writing stories for living. Even if it’s for publication or broadcast, the research and writing is hell-bent to sip your creative juices to the last drop (hahaha). That sense of being lost is sometimes overwhelming. So yeah, happiness get converted to something like watching movies, travelling, getting together with friends by seizing that free days/vacation leaves etc is understandable (if not inevitable hahaha).

    But then, there’s always hope to things. There was a character in a manga that I’ve read, and she said something so good that it stuck to me so bad and I kept going back to it when I get low.

    “If you don’t give up on getting there, then you’re not on the wrong road. Even if the place you arrive at isn’t the one you were hoping for, just search out the next road from there. If you do that, you’ll eventually arrive without fail. If you worry about it, think about it. Eventually pick a road and walk down to it. Then there’s no way it isn’t connected somehow to the place you’re looking for.” – Kurebayashi Teru, Dengeki Daisy. (http://kissmanga.com/Manga/Dengeki-Daisy/32?id=17484)

    I dunno if you’ve heard/read it. The characters were looking for a famous ramen shop that female lead Teru and his older brother used to visit. But Teru actually kept getting them lost. The guy she was talking to, Kurosaki, was confused because Teru just told him that her brother (whom he also idolized) never got lost. And Teru dropped the bomb by telling him that her brother had “an unbelievable bad sense of direction.”

    So to that college girl you’re writing to, I don’t think her dream’s lost yet. (I mean, this blog?!) And I don’t think she minds the place where you are now 🙂

    Like

    • Hegs, I’ve never heard of that manga pero I’ll check into it, salamat sa link 🙂 Well, actually, about that “can’t seem to finish” thing, pareho din naman tayo, writing about personal stuff is the only form of writing I could manage to do these days. I used to be more productive and driven then when writing short stories. But then, ang hirap kalabanin ng internet & other technologies no? Just when you start to sit in front of the computer to start on a draft, it’s hard not to get distracted. Also, when you get to be too exhausted from working (because expenses wait for no one), sometimes you just really forget the things you originally wanted. Pero good thing there is always remembering. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      • Haha, and I’ve just handed you another distraction ~~ actually yan ang mga distractions ko ngayon sa net. besides emails and social media, there goes my additional two hours checking manga updates ~~

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    • Airin! Congrats on the new sketch blog! 😀 Busy that we are with “stuff” let’s push through our hobbies. Nakakarelax din no. And yes, I also miss us college girls! 🙂

      Like

  2. Dear college girl;
    I didn’t know you but I started to know you currently. I’m sure you were this amazing back then but just didn’t realize it. You’ve become a great woman and now someone 10.000 km away from you, reads your writings with admiration.

    You are amazing Kim 🙂

    Like

    • Hi Fatos, “amazing” is subjective :p. But I guess I had a pretty “amazing” college life 😀 Though it wasn’t really all that inspiring or something to aspire for. I was one of those students who would cut classes just to play computer games with friends. Or sometimes, we would just cut classes because we haven’t maximized the remaining allowed number of absences. hehe But really, I’m happy I didn’t take things seriously back then. Because now, I do! And I’ll feel like such a sad damsel if I had been taking things seriously all my life. As they say, there is time for everything. 🙂

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  3. Kim! Nakakaiyak,.. The parting paragraphs are the best. 😥 Overtime, our definition of happiness evolves. Years ago, I was confined with high grades and that little savings I can generate from my daily allowance. I never cared about being at home. Years after, I slaved myself working and satisfying other people. Am I happy? And suddenly, you long and value weekends and that rare happy times with the family. Once in a while, time and memories will make you feel, is the life I wanted? What happened to my dreams? And like you, I wanted to write many years ago.

    I’m crying because your post came in perfect timing. I’m on that stage of my life when I’m forced to make decisions. It’s now or never for me. What will I do today will shape my future, especially considering my age. It has to happen or not…

    On a positive note, I like your photos at work. I can feel a different kind of happiness on your end. That happiness coming from “mission accomplished.” I made something great. Congrats! And your wedding photo, fierce!!! How many brides can actually wear black, red and gray ? 🙂

    Galing, this is so far my favorite post. Years from now, babalikan ko ‘to. 🙂 Let’s see what happens to my life. When that time comes, I hope I’m a happier and better person then.

    Like

    • Hi ate, it took me some hours to reply to this kasi I don’t know what to say. Nako don’t cry. I think masaya naman tayo in general kung nasan tayo until we compare ourselves to other people 🙂 When I come to think of it, pag ibang tao ung lumapit sa’kin and I hear the same issues, I could see objectively naman na it won’t end just at that. It’s also in those moments that I realize it won’t also be the end for me. Minsan nga lang, dahil tayo yung nasa first person point-of-view; hindi natin nakikita yung buong picture ng pwedeng mangyari pa sa’tin.

      Thank you sa outfit compliment. We were dead broke at hiram lang yun sa tita. Seryoso. :))

      Like

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