I had been the busiest bee at the onset of 2015. The first four days of the year were spent in a hospital, looking after my mom who was confined due to food poisoning. Until then, I never thought spoilt food could ever be so fatal because I was notorious for accidentally consuming them. Dumb that it was, I never understood that it could lead to anything serious until the recent incident with my mom. (But everything is okay now and for that I am grateful.)
It’s sad that things have not been faring well for other family members. One uncle is set for an eye-removal operation, another relative is one of the missing crew of the China-bound cargo ship that sunk in Vietnam, and a recovering aunt contracted back her cancer probably due to depression over her missing brother.
I can see everyone is hoping for better things. But it’s sad to come clean that when we hope, we also permit disappointment to slowly eat on us. For the past years, I learned how it’s very human to despair before we move on because we often have weak control over matters of the heart.
On quiet moments, I sometimes wonder if my uncle’s wife would see every ocean as a reminder of solitude – a thief that claimed his husband as its own. I wonder if she’ll be able to see water as something different from tears. Because frankly, I think I will. The thought immediately makes me sad because I am a wife and I know I’ll never be prepared.
Well, this is my 2015 so far. I would’ve loved to talk more about how happy I am about the changes I decided on but I just don’t feel that it would be appropriate at the moment.
For now, I wish everyone in the family finds the peace of mind and strength that they need. I hope they all maintain their courage.